Epic Dilemma

I tease a lot, and sometimes I never let the reader in on the story.  I think maybe Book #4 will be the ruminations that I have alluded to but haven't gone into depth about. 

A few entries ago, I teased about an epic dilemma we face this holiday season.  Then, in the last entry I mentioned a bad loan to a family member. . and that is where this tale begins.

We loaned some of our fire insurance money to a family member who promised to pay it back way before we would need it.  BUT OF COURSE, he didn't pay it back...well, he wrote a bad check for it.  So we are screwed.  Can't turn him into the law and can't break his ankles.  All we can do is wait for his new anti-depressants to kick in and hope he makes a payment plan soon. 

The dilemma isn't that though, the dilemma is that we are expected to go to a Christmas celebration with this person and act like nothing has happened.  If we don't go, then we will be the bad guys.  I am not good at holding my tongue, so this could be interesting.  IF it ever happens.  The weather screwed everything up at Christmas this year:  Son #1 didn't come up and we didn't go to my parents for Christmas Eve. 

As a result, we didn't get together on Christmas day with this person.  He canceled again for the following Sunday when the weather wasn't even bad.  Then, he canceled again today, New Year's Day.  So we are supposed to change our schedule and go on Sunday.  I felt like a fool buying presents for them, and I am resentful that they used OUR money to buy presents for us.  What a crock of shit.

I'm not being a very good person this holiday season by harboring this resentment.  I know this.  But I've had this debt owed to us for 6 months now, and it wears on you over time.  I hardly care that he almost killed himself from guilt over our debt and others...that's how numb I am to the whole situation.

So, how can I combine my new clergy aspirations with my old resentments?  How can I snap out of this funk and get to more healthy feelings?  This is the most epic dilemma I've ever faced to date, mainly because I always used contraception and didn't get pregnant when I was a teenager.

Yup, never got knocked up but now I got knocked down by money.  Oh, and also because we trusted this person to tell us the truth and make good on his promises.  Should have listened to what THEY say:  Never lend money to a family member.